My first minor breakdown.....

Unfortunately, my minor break down last night has nothing to do with my car.....

I have never denied the fact that I am an anxious person. And if I'm being completely honest, a bit obsessive when it comes to having everything planned out and in order. (I like to have "my ducks in a row" I guess you could say!) Last night the evil moisture began to flow from my eyes. I am not really sure why and glad that it was only for a few moments. I think it just really started to sink in that this is real. No matter how much you plan for something, it's that pivotal moment when the curtain opens and you realize that the stage is real. You are no longer standing in the background, rehearsing yours lines over and over. Making that leap of faith and finally saying "YES" after months of anticipation felt like someone turning the spotlight on and I no longer know what my opening lines were supposed to be. We did in fact accept the offer in Shippensburg, which meant making the dreadful call to Rome to tell them "NO". I couldn't help but feel horrible for Doug, for many different reasons. The first, simply for having to have the uncomfortable conversation with someone who has tried so hard to get you to the place they are. Ben and his family have been nothing, if not wonderful, during the whole process. To have to turn them down, was like having to be the bearer of bad news to someone you care deeply about. I know that seems odd to people, being that we have only known them on brief occasions, but they truly are that wonderful. And knowing that, if not for me, that is the place that Doug would have chosen for himself, was tough to swallow. That is one of the million reasons why I love my husband to the depth of my soul, he never once thought of himself, before deciding what was better for me. He's pretty impressive I'd say! (although, he would never admit it(you know I'm right))

The reality and emotion that comes with the fact that by saying "YES" means living the furthest away from my family, than I ever have before, well that I feel is self-explanatory! Like I said, a minor breakdown, and then I realized that I need this. I need to go out and live my life. Rather than saying I live. Carpe Diem is not one of my favorite quotes for no reason, so this is me, taking that step and seizing the day!