Battling my addiction.....

When you think about "addiction" a few things come to mind; drugs, gambling, sex. I have always been proud to say that I have never done any drugs in my entire life. These days that seems like a life time of accomplishments compared to the amount of people who have either experimented or used drugs for a period of time in their life. I never realized, until this week, that I do in fact have a drug addiction. The problem with my "drug" of choice, is that it is perfectly legal to consume as much of it as I would like. You see it everywhere, and for the change in your pocket it can be yours. No one looks at you wrong for doing it, whether you are in public or the privacy of your home. It has absolutely no harmful effect on anyone around you, no matter how close they may sit. It does care what your age is. My addiction comes in the form of Dr. Pepper. This seems silly enough, right? That you ask, why not just stop?

After a recent trip to the doctor, I found that my extremely high intake of caffeine seems to be the likely culprit of some unwanted cysts. Though the pain is minimum from the cysts, the pain caused by the lack of caffeine in my body is earth shattering. The first few days were not so bad. I took a trip to the store, to check out the soda isle. I knew that water is not really an option for my taste buds and Sprite is caffeine free. After a little investigating, I found that I can drink Sprite Zero or Diet 7-Up and have some taste with out caffeine or calories. I was actually very excited about the no calories. (It will help out along with the treadmill, to slimming down some) I knew that stopping "cold turkey" was not going to work. I have experienced the caffeine withdrawal headaches before and knew this was not fun. So my plan; try to cut back to two a day for a bit, then one a day, then none. Here we are on day five and the temptation to give up is pounding in my head, literally. Yesterday I tried out the "one" theory. I started my day with one 16 ounce bottle. It took me all day to drink it, and was pretty gross by the end, but I was savoring it. After a long day, I finally arrived home around 9:45 last night, still only one soda. The headache had gotten so bad that the lights from the cars around my on my drive from Alamance County to Raleigh had me wishing for solid darkness. The only thing I could think was God please get me home where I can hide in the darkness. I could have stopped at any point and bought a drink, but I can't bring my self to break my promises now. I will not buy any extra, I have a certain amount here to help with the weaning process. When I finally made it home last night, I grab a big glass of Dr. Pepper, three Ibuprofen and went straight to bed. I could even think to look at my computer to check my email. Unfortunately, the headache is still lingering, but I am fighting to kick this crazy addiction. My only guess is that the amount in my system is so low compared to the last 8 years or so, that even one or two a day is not enough to ease the withdrawal pain. Who ever knew, that something with "doctor" in it's name, could be so bad?

My first minor breakdown.....

Unfortunately, my minor break down last night has nothing to do with my car.....

I have never denied the fact that I am an anxious person. And if I'm being completely honest, a bit obsessive when it comes to having everything planned out and in order. (I like to have "my ducks in a row" I guess you could say!) Last night the evil moisture began to flow from my eyes. I am not really sure why and glad that it was only for a few moments. I think it just really started to sink in that this is real. No matter how much you plan for something, it's that pivotal moment when the curtain opens and you realize that the stage is real. You are no longer standing in the background, rehearsing yours lines over and over. Making that leap of faith and finally saying "YES" after months of anticipation felt like someone turning the spotlight on and I no longer know what my opening lines were supposed to be. We did in fact accept the offer in Shippensburg, which meant making the dreadful call to Rome to tell them "NO". I couldn't help but feel horrible for Doug, for many different reasons. The first, simply for having to have the uncomfortable conversation with someone who has tried so hard to get you to the place they are. Ben and his family have been nothing, if not wonderful, during the whole process. To have to turn them down, was like having to be the bearer of bad news to someone you care deeply about. I know that seems odd to people, being that we have only known them on brief occasions, but they truly are that wonderful. And knowing that, if not for me, that is the place that Doug would have chosen for himself, was tough to swallow. That is one of the million reasons why I love my husband to the depth of my soul, he never once thought of himself, before deciding what was better for me. He's pretty impressive I'd say! (although, he would never admit it(you know I'm right))

The reality and emotion that comes with the fact that by saying "YES" means living the furthest away from my family, than I ever have before, well that I feel is self-explanatory! Like I said, a minor breakdown, and then I realized that I need this. I need to go out and live my life. Rather than saying I live. Carpe Diem is not one of my favorite quotes for no reason, so this is me, taking that step and seizing the day!

The original album cover.....

Here it is.....


So two things, 1) I wanted to share the original cover art for the album. Since it is no longer going on the cover, I am okay sharing it. No worries, my handy work will still be on the front and back cover of the album, just not this picture. 2) I did the final shoot this weekend for this project (I think). Soon the website will be up and I will share it. We took a ton of profile pictures this weekend that will go on the site, so I would love for you to see my hard work, so stay tune for that. Plus I will most likely be posting them on Flickr!

Offer....

I had stated in my blog about Shippensburg, that Amy and Trent had told Doug that he was there number 1, but they had one more interview to do on Thursday (yesterday).

Well, Doug got a call from Trent last night offering him the job. I had not really expected to hear from them until early next week since they were interviewing the last person this week. Much to my surprise, we got the call. On the way home from PA, Doug and I were talking and had pretty much decided that Shippensburg is where we wanted to call home for a few years and now it looks like that is the case. We have not given them a final answer yet, but that is to come very soon, I believe. We do still have an offer on the table from Rome, but as I have told Doug, I don't feel like that is the right place for me to be, for many reasons. It is sad only because they are such nice people and are willing to do whatever it takes for us to come there.

It is good to finally feel like I know where we are headed. This means that we can move on to the next steps in this process. Finding a house, setting my last day of work, packing, ect. It does seem a little bitter-sweat at the moment. I am very excited about this offer and happy to be making this move in our life together. However, it is sad to know that in a very few months, 2 to be exact, I will be moving the furthest I have ever lived from my family. I know that people do it all the time, it was just never something I saw happening in my life. Although, through the sadness, I am ready to take this step. After many years of living a "college" lifestyle, I feel like we are making "adult" decisions and moving forward. I hear that my mom and mother in law are already making plans for weekend trips. That's very exciting to hear, I wasn't sure if anyone would really come up and visit us or not. I guess only time will tell.

It is also exciting that several of our other friends from vet school are going to be living in the north east, some within a few hours of us. Maybe we will not lose touch with everyone. There are some staying in Raleigh as well, so there will always be visiting options when we come home to visit NC. Although we will be away for a while, have no fear, NC will always be home to me. They say home is where the heart is, right!

Stay tuned for more updates on our move....

Pictures from Pennsylvania....

Just wanted to share that I have posted pictures from our trip to Pennsylvania on flickr....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lesrayphoto/

feel free to check them out.

Sweet Presley.....

When my nephew was born almost two years ago, my brother and sister-in-law were in Florida at the time, so I was not able to meet him until probably a week later when they got home. Well, wouldn't you know that again, I missed the birth of my brother's child. His daughter, Presley, was born the day I left to head to Pennsylvania. She was born at 12:55-ish am, Wednesday, March 11. She was 8 lbs and 12 oz.

Since we did not get home until later last night, I went to meet her today for the first time. She is cute as a button. I may be a little partial! Of course, Doug says that they all look like babies, which means they all look the same to him. Presley seems to be doing very well. She likes to eat and sleep which are both great for a newborn. It is a little sad that we will be moving away soon and she will not really know who I am. You know how it is with kids, if they do not see you often, they really don't have anything to do with you when you are around. But she can get to know me better when we move back. I like them when they are a little older anyway. Kind of like Jalen and Abby's age, when they can talk, run around, and not wear diapers.

Home sweet home...

After many hours of (Doug) driving, we are back home! It's so good to see the dogs, I really missed them while we were gone. And from there reaction I think they missed us. I feel fairly certain that they also very much enjoyed their guest that came to visit. Thanks so much to all of you who helped watch the dogs for us. It's so good to have great friends!

Now that we are back, Doug and I have a big decision to make about where we are going to be spending the next few years. The great thing is, I can see myself in PA and I liked the people. This was a concern that I had, since I had never been there. Of course, I will miss all of our family and friends here, but I also think there will be great opportunity to make new friends as well. I am hopefully that in the next few weeks I will be able to tell you exactly where you can come and visit us, come June!

Day Three, Shippensburg, PA

After having dinner is Rome on Thursday night, we started heading to the "flat lands" of Shippensburg, PA. It funny how people in the northern part of the state call this the flat lands, when really it's like the NC mountains. Of course, they also call the mountains they live in the "Hills". We arrived in Carlisle, PA around 1am and got a hotel for the night. It was only about 30 minutes to Shippensburg, but we were both beat and Doug's eye kept wanting to close. Since we had to stop for me to use the bathroom, we decided to go ahead and get a room.

This morning we arrived at Mountain View Animal Hospital, or something to that effect, around 11 am. Compared to the facilities in Rome, this is state of the art. I got to meet all of the staff here at the clinic, I think, since Dr. Amy was doing small animal today. They ordered lunch from a locale cafe and had it delivered to the clinic. After lunch we headed out with one of the vets Aaron and his wife Sarah. They showed Doug and I around most of the area north of the clinic. It was nice to have a tour guide for the second day. Aaron showed us all kind of real estate and prices on some of the house for sell. He also showed us some rental property. There are several towns and cities around with things to do. Unlike Rome there is a target about 15-20 minutes down the road, depending on where we would be living. There are also apparently several doctors around, with some specialty clinics in Carlisle and Chambersburg, both with in the 20-ish minute range.

After spending the day driving around the country side, we meet back up at the clinic with Amy and Trent. Amy and Trent are the two owners of the practice and are also married to each other. They took us out to dinner, along with Aaron and Sarah, to a nice restaurant in Chambersburg. Since we had not been down to Chambersburg, we took a tour of the city. On the way back we were all talking about Amy told us that Doug was there number one right now. This is really good news! They do have one more interview on Thursday, but Trent says he wasn't very impressed with the phone interview, so he is not expecting much from the working interview. This is also really good news! So I guess there could be an offer from here coming the end of next week. I would like to go ahead and nail down where we are going to be living. I also really like it here, and it is only about 5-6 hours from home instead of 11 hours from Rome to NC. So hopefully this girl will suck just as much as she did on the phone and they will offer the job to Doug. I can see myself living here, which will make it sad if they do not offer us the job. Plus they were offering the most money too! They also offered to let us stay here tonight so that we didn't have to pay for a hotel. So of course we took them up on the offer and now Doug is out on a call with Trent since this is his weekend on call. Hopefully he is out there impressing Trent some more so he can stay number 1.

All in all this has been a good trip and fun times. Oh, I almost forgot, I meet my first Amish man today. It was interesting. Since the weather was nice they were all out and about today. I got to see lots of horse and buggies, even one in town. This is definitely Amish country.

Day Two, Rome, PA.....

Upated on our travels.....

Thursday morning we got up and drove down to Roma, PA. On the 2000 census, Rome's population was 382. There were more than 382 people that I went to high school with. So when we got to Rome Vet Center around 10am to meet up with Ben and his father Don.

We spent the day riding around and working with Dr. Don. He is the senior vet in the clinic. (Ben has been out of vet school since 07) I have to say that the people there are very nice. Don took us around on his farm calls. Doug got to do a DA surgery with Don on a cow, checked on a pregnant horse, and went to check on two goats that had been de-horned that were living in some lady's house. While travling around Don showed us all around the area. In all honesty we could have been driving in circles for all I know. The "Main" roads are paved and the "Back" roads are mostly gravel, both of which are winding through the "Hills" also known as mountains. Don took us by his church which also has a private christian school in it. He apparently helped start the school and was principle (along with being a vet) for two years. We got to meet his pastor, which was cool, Theo is from the Carribean and has a strong accent. Fun to find in rural Pa. We also meet the guys at the local gaurage when we had to stop in and have a new hose put on Don's truck. I have to say one thing about Don and Tina (his wife) they have 9 children, one is a preacher, one is a vet, one is in vet school, one is in med school, one is going to Cornell, two are still in high school, and I can't remember what the other two do, but the point being that all 9 of these kids went to a tiny private school in back woods PA and they are all going to be very successful. If nothing else it shows that you can do anything you put your mind to, no matter where you come from, or how much money you have. They are an impressive family in many ways. I really enjoyed getting to know them.

As the day wrapped up with dinner at Ben's where they severed sweet tea for us, they basically put the ball in Doug's court. The job is his if he wants it. This is really good news, but a big decision to make.

PS. There is absolutely nothing there, at least not anything chain.

Day One - Oxford area.....

I crawled out of the bed this morning with my body feeling the effect of my 14 trip from Raleigh to Pennsylvania. It was a rough and slow start to the day. We left the Nottingham Inn, which reminded me of the movie Nottingham with Julie Roberts. We headed to the "Post House Family Restaurant" for breakfast. Then it was in the car for a day full of driving. We drove all around the country side and surrounding towns. Got to see a covered bridge that we drove through, lots of Amish farms, and a sign that stated "Duck crossing". The sign inspired me to start a collection of all the odd signs that you see in PA. So far I have found some funny ones, and some others like Scranton, since I am a "The Office" fan. I enjoyed driving through Scranton, it kinda made me want to go work for Dunder Mifflin. I was sad that there were no Amish folk out and about, but it was kind of rainy and foggy this morning, but I did see there farms with buggies outside.

After hours of circle Chester County we started head north. We are staying in Sayre at a B&B tonight. The clinic that Doug interviewed at the other week and we are visiting tomorrow is putting us up here for the night. It's pretty sweet place. It's seriously 5 minutes from New York State. We actually drove from Pa through part of NY to come back in to PA. It kind of made me laugh, but that was the quickest way, says our GPS. So once we got here we checked in, brought up our stuff and then headed out to find some dinner. After dinner we had a drink in the bar down stairs. Who know B&B's has bars. Well it has a restaurant too, but very expensive. Now we are hanging out in the room watching Jurassic Park 3 and I am of course typing. Tomorrow we are heading to the clinic and then riding around with one of the vet's while he works. I am pretty excited to get to go with him so I can see the area and what Doug would possibly be doing. For now, I am going to bed, stay tuned for more updates on my trip.....

Train Train.....

Tuesday was the start of my Tour de Pennsylvania. I arrived at the train station in downtown Raleigh roughly around 6 am. Anxiety filled the air. There are several reason for the over whelming feelings going through my head. A) I don't usually travel to unknown places by myself, B) I have never ridden a train in my life, C) I had to make it to Philadelphia get off, get on another train that would then drop me off in Parkesburg, PA, which was nothing but a platform and shelter. To prove Doug's theory that I am just like my mother, I meet a nice lady as we were boarding in Raleigh. Her name was Carol and she was about the same age as mom. She was from Middletown, NJ and had been in New Bern, NC visiting her sister who had surgery last week. I think at this point I could pretty much tell you anything you want to know about the woman. For instance, she was laid off from her 25 years a small news paper in NJ, she now works at a nursing home and as long as she doesn't work more than 32 hours she can still get un-employment. She is divorced and has a daughter and grand daughter who is 3. You can learn a lot about some one on a 8 hour train ride.

The train ride was fun, not a bad way to travel. I have to say I was surprised at the amount of people on the train. Who know so many people traveled by train. Saw some interesting things; had a guy want me to take a picture of him, when I smiled and keep walking he asked "hey, you don't want to take a picture of a nice looking guy?" I just laughed and continued back to my seat. A lady next to me called her estranged brother to tell him that their other brother was dying in UNC, I gathered that he didn't much care. The train station in Philly is very nice. Not a bad place to have to hang out for a few hours. I didn't venture away but I did go outside walk around the building which takes up the entire block and took some pictures. Of course, I hadn't been there for 10 minutes and had a guy about my age ask me for money. Well he never got to the asking part, as soon as he said "excuse me miss, I'm having a bad day" my immediate response was "and I don't have any money" he walked away before I could finish. The Parkesburg stop was a concrete step off the train onto a dirt platform with a shelter. Since it was dark I was glad that Doug was there waiting. Of course I did threaten to divorce him if he made me sit in the dark in a city I know nothing about, and I had seen on the Internet there was nothing at the stop.

So over all, a long day but it was full of interesting moments. I will be posting tons of picture from my trip on flickr when I get back to Raleigh.

I say no to pettines....

Do you ever wonder what makes people tick? I often find myself ask that very question.

There are a lot of things in life that I can pass by without a single thought. Somethings make me ponder. For instance, why people feel the need to be petty. In all the things that are wrong in the world, it amazes me the little things that can set someone off. I am guilty of complaining from time to time, but somethings just seem pointless in my eyes.

I had someone get up set with me because of something that I had nothing to do with. I simply tried to explain that not all things in life are right and just, but they are that which they have become. I guess it wasn't the right answer, or at least the answer they wanted to hear. The complaint was that no one told them, yet they did not ask. I do not stand to judge who was right, but simply walked away. I can not surround my self with negativity and pettiness. It was all very immature in my opinion. I feel like most things in life are not as we plan. But it is not our plan to be had. As I was reading Philippians I came across a verse that made me think of this very case. It made me realize that my view, through God, was correct. "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, Children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among who you may shine as the light of the world.." Philippians 2:14-15
It makes me sad sometimes to see the suffering that people must feel, to lash out in such a way, as to be hurtful to the innocent for your own self gain.

On another note, I wanted to share another verse that fits the stress I have been feeling lately. I have said before that I have continued to pray that all things will work out for Doug and I and this verse gave me peace. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus..." Philippians 4:6-7

Train ride......

Part of me will be very glad to see June come. Being a creature of pure habit does not go well with up rooting everything you know and moving four states away. There are two characters I seem to play these days. The first, Excited! This generally comes when I am not bombarded with a million other things not pertaining to moving. It's fun to think about the endless possibilities that God offers us everyday. I am excited to go out and do something different. To step out of my box that's safe and warm. I am sure that there are people who doubt my decision, based on the fact it's not something I would have normally done. Of course, I will miss my family, but I am happy to be going. And believe it or not, it was actually my decision to move. Doug had written off the idea of ever living somewhere different years ago.

Then there is the second character. Chaos! It is a mixture of stress, worry, confusion, ect. There are so many things that need to go right at the same time that it almost seems impossible. Hence the "Chaos" in my head. I am hoping that some of this will disappear after our trip to Pa next week. At least then I will be able to see the potential places that we will be living. And I am excited about my train ride up to meet Doug after his next interview.

I have spent more time talking to God in the past three weeks, than I have in a long time. I keep looking for answer and I figure that's a pretty good place to start. One thing that had been bothering me was having to be left behind for a month after Doug went up to start working. I had made an agreement with my boss that I would stay and cover the office while her and the other managers went to a conference in Florida. It was a quick decision that I made based on the fact that I need a job until I don't and I can't afford to lose mine before I am ready to move. So I agreed to stay behind until July. Once I had time to think it over, that made a mess of everything, but I had given my word and won't break it. Fortunately, the other day, my boss pulled me aside to let me know she had thought over our agreement and feels that it would be better on me to go with Doug when he leaves and not stay behind. This came after he had been gone for two weeks and apparently I was behaving like my normal self. I was being short with people, opps! All I could think during this conversation is how it seemed like she had been listening to all my prayers. I finally had an answer that made sense. One that has released a lot of stress off of this whole situation.